You know when you decide to play that lets-see-how-many-hours-I-can-last-without-sleep game with your body? Right before you feel like your heart rate starts beating at an alarmingly abnormal pace? Where you feel like its beating too fast but in reality, it could be the complete opposite?? I feel like that right now. And I can tell that it’s stressing out my system. Thinking about my body being under stress is stressing me out even more. I tried taking a nap but when I went out for a drive, I just felt like my car was gliding. I guess I’m just delusional. But holy shit I feel weird…
That’s what I am. It’s one of those things that I can’t change right away. I feel as though changing myself would be be the equivalent of me becoming a bitch. I’m only one when I genuinely dislike a person. Which takes a lot of effort. I want to like everyone. So here… I have friends who have undeniable power over me. I wouldn’t even call it influence anymore. It’s straight up power. And unless I avoid them entirely, or somehow learn to start standing my ground, I’m just belittling my potential happiness.
I move from passion to passion so quickly, it completely discredits any worth. Hopefully I stick to this new mindset though. I feel like this lifestyle is good for me. I just need to make sure I actually get some rest. My immune system is pretty weak when I don’t get enough sleep.
Anyway… I’m off to the gym. They’re open 24 hours on Monday-Thursday. I’d better take advantage. I’ll sleep eventually.